


Going Through Hell

by poldarked_fangirl



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: Anger, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:58:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8051920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poldarked_fangirl/pseuds/poldarked_fangirl
Summary: Ross grieves the death of his daughter, Julia Grace Poldark, after she passes from the putrid throat.





	Going Through Hell

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened - I wasn't even supposed to write this. It just happened.  
> As always, thank you so, so very much to the wonderful @chocolatepig221bteasatfour on Tumblr., for beta-reading this for me! I'm sorry I made you cry, dear.

Her hands were cold.  Her lifeless body lay in the cot.  She looked as if she were sleeping.  He expected her at any minute to wake up… her big brown eyes would look up at him… a smile would dance across her face as she recognized the familiar features of her father.  The features so similar to her own.  He broke down as the reality set in that this would never be.  He would never look into her playful, innocent eyes again.   

 

Ross Poldark sobbed.  He leaned over the cot; his hand lay gently atop her head, stroking the dark curly hair she had inherited from him.  His daughter; his precious baby daughter; the angelic infant who had brought more joy into his life these past two years than he ever knew possible, was gone.   

 

He never knew such heartache.  The world could fall apart and burn this very moment and he wouldn’t even care.  His daughter was gone.  Taken from him before she even had the chance to really live.  He immediately felt guilty for all the times he was at the mine instead of home playing with her.  All the nights he had spent in Truro when his work had not finished until well past dark.  All the times she cried for affection and he let Demelza care for her.  He should have been there.  He should have showed her daily, constantly, his love for her.   

 

He heard footsteps behind him, but did not turn.  He knew who it was.   

 

“Why?” he choked a whisper.  

In the doorway, Dwight sighed.  He felt his own tears burning in his eyes, but controlled it.  “Ross, I…”  

 

“Why didn’t you let me die in Virginia?”  

 

The doctor took a few steps forward and rested a comforting hand on his friend’s shoulder.  “I am so, so sorry,” he whispered.   

 

“I should have died then.”  

 

“No…”  

 

“Yes.  I’ve deluded myself in thinking I’ve been a help to people here.  And now… she’s gone…” his voice cracked again.   

 

“Ross, you mustn’t do this to yourself.  You are not to blame, no one is.”  

 

“You should have let me die.”  

 

“What would that have saved?”  

 

“Everything, Dwight!” he stood up and pushed the hand away, taking a step away from the cot.  “Since I came back, I’ve lost my company, my wife is dying, and my child is gone!  This is all my fault…”  

 

“It isn’t, Ross.”  

 

“What if Demelza dies too?  Am I to lose them both within the same day?”  

 

“No.”  

 

“How do you know?  You couldn’t even save Julia!” he shoved him.   

 

Dwight staggered, but kept his footing.  He did not fight back.  He felt just as guilty as Ross.   

 

“Why? Why didn’t you save her?” he pushed him again.   

 

“Ross,” his tone changed, trying to calm his friend.   

 

“You should have saved her,” he took another step toward him.  

 

Dwight’s hands rose in an innocent gesture; his brain working quickly to think what to say or do.   

 

“Why didn’t you save her, Dwight?!” he grabbed him by the collar and threw him against the wall. A picture hanging fell to the ground with a crash.  

 

“Ross, stop!”  

 

“Why didn’t you save her?!!” he was screaming now.  Anger and hate burned in his face and voice.  His eyes had grown dark and filled with emotion.   

 

“Ross, please,” Dwight begged.  He knew the kind of damage Ross was capable of with a sound mind, but now…  

 

“It’s your fault!!  You should have saved her!! YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED HER!!!” he grabbed him again, shook him, and raised his fist.   

 

“Cap’n Poldark!” Jinny’s voice called from the doorway, horror etched on her face.   

 

Ross’s head jerked to face her and then back to Dwight, whose hands were up to protect himself.  His eyes met Ross’s with fear and confusion.   

 

Immediately, Ross loosened his grip and let Dwight go.  His hands covered his mouth in shock, his breathing ragged and shaken.  “No…” he whispered.   

 

“Ross,” Dwight took a step forward, lowering his hands.   

 

“I’m sorry, I…” his voice caught as his eyes caught sight of Julia again.  “Oh God, Dwight…Julia,” tears again began to flow from his eyes.  His knees buckled and his body shook.  He crumped to the floor, the shock finally hitting him.  “Julia,” he repeated her name over and over, sobbing loudly now, unable being able to control his grief.   

 

Dwight bent down to wrap his arms around his grieving friend, not caring in the slightest that the man could have very well killed him mere seconds before.   

 

“Forgive me, please,” Ross begged, but Dwight shook his head.   

 

“It’s alright.  Just let it out.”  

 

He gave in.  To grief.  To hurt.  To pain.  All consuming pain.  His world and his life came crashing down around him.  He wanted to die.  If he could die and give Demelza back their daughter, he gladly would.   

 

Dwight held him, a few tears escaping from his own eyes.  He didn’t know how long he sat there, comforting a man who he thought he would never see break.   

 

The world, after trying for nearly thirty years, had finally succeeded in breaking Ross Poldark.  It was hours before he moved, daylight before he returned to Demelza’s side, trying to pick up the pieces of his soul that he had lost in the night.   

 

He prayed for her to come back to him, but feared for when he would have to tell her that Julia… their darling angel… was gone.   

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all don't hate me... :)


End file.
